Thursday, September 30, 2010

On the Road to California

After much prayer, research, and consideration, Bonny will be starting a new treatment in Santa Barbara, California, at the Issels Medical Center.  Though chemo had been holding the cancer at bay, it by no means was applying a cure or allowing her body to resist the disease.  Rather, the chemo was breaking down her body's own immune system and ability to fight.  For many weeks we have struggled with this and have explored other means.  Issels, as you can see from their web site, not only offers non-toxic treatment, but has the history of helping people who were given no hope elsewhere. 
Since we will be traveling outside of Texas, Medicaid will not provide for this treatment for Bonny.  This has been another huge step, but we know God will provide.  Her life is to too precious to settle for less.  We will be able to get the ball rolling at Issels with the donations so many of you have blessed us with.  We do anticipate a need for more funds and are inviting anyone who is able to help.
We are leaving early this morning.  Driving for three days to California.  Bonny, Johanna, Sarah Anne, Matthew and I will be staying for approximately one month there in an apartment that Issels is providing, only charging us utilities since we are cash pay.  Grace will be staying with dear friends in San Antonio and James and Emma will be here at home.  Of course, Sam is still in school, UNT in Dallas.
Your prayers have been felt by all of us. We are hanging on to every word God is saying to us through His word.  We will keep you informed as much as possible while away.
Trusting the Lord,

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

In Flight

We flew away today.  We grabbed onto an idea and packed up our things in a whirlwind of excitement.  Now we are on the road, the miles passing beneath us, carrying us towards San Antonio, to visit some dear friends, to get away, to loosen the weariness of living from our shoulders….. to leave it all behind.

There is such a joy, such an exhilaration, in the spontaneity of this trip.  I am so excited, to be sitting here with my family, feeling the rush of the wheels beneath, bags and pillows piled around, watching Matthew's thrilled face smiling up at me.

We have been struggling, weary with living, with hoping for the future, with grasping for wisdom and making heavy decisions.  I myself have felt trapped, stuck in a rut, walking day after day, wanting nothing but to shut myself in a hole, safe, where nothing is required of me.

But we cannot live that way.  We must walk with our eyes open, awake to His voice, listening for His heart.  We must, and yet the strength to do so feels so far from our grasp.

So Lord, teach us to be still, to let You be our strength, to let You carry us, so we can fly away.
I wish that we could fly away
forever and a day

I wish the world would let us go
That we could fly like supermen
That all this pain away we'd throw
And then walk we'd in joy again.

I wish that we could fly away 
forever and a day

I wish we were like red striped kites
That we could raise our souls in flight
That we could leave our pain behind
If we had only YOU in mind.

It was Thursday, when I wrote the above.  Now we are home, with memories of joy sitting beside us, and thoughts for the future resting before us.

Until later,

and all of us at Rambellwood

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


"It is like watercolor.  We are the water, but without his color, we are not beautiful.  Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus.  We need You so much."

They are Sarah Anne's words, written in her little blue diary, written while we worshiped, and sought our Lord for wisdom. 

It is difficult to put into words, to translate with ink and pen, what God is speaking to our hearts.  But I shall do my best, because He is speaking.  And we are listening, listening because only He can bring us wisdom.

"Where then does wisdom come from? 
       Where does understanding dwell?
 God understands the way to it 
       and he alone knows where it dwells,
 for he views the ends of the earth 
       and sees everything under the heavens.
 When he established the force of the wind 
       and measured out the waters,
 when he made a decree for the rain 
       and a path for the thunderstorm,
 then he looked at wisdom and appraised it; 
       he confirmed it and tested it.
 And he said to man, 
       'The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom,  
       and to shun evil is understanding.' "        Job 28

And this is what he says, that no matter what route we go in Mom's treatment, whether it be chemo, or whether it be something else, no matter which doctor sees us, or what they say, it is God who will heal Mom.  It is He who will direct our steps, and He who we must trust.

Mom has another chemo appointment tomorrow, and she is struggling with the thought.  We do not like chemo, any of us, and Mom is searching for peace to endure another round.  At present, we are planning to continue with the chemo for another six week period, and judge the results at the end of that time.

We must walk moment by moment, seeking the Lord, brushstroke after brushstroke, as he paints His glory on the canvas of our lives.  Pray for our spiritual eyes, that we would keep a clear perspective, that we should find peace in each decision...

That we would keep our eyes fixed upon our Lord.

In His strength,